Think Positively, Think Positively, Think Positively...

Confession time! You ready?

I do not like or enjoy being pregnant.

I'm sure that most of you can understand this (maybe even empathize with me), but crazy me, I really thought I would enjoy this time. I mean, it is a miracle that this even happens and there are parts that are amazing. Overall, however, not my cup of tea.

This post, though, is not about the crazy, gassy heartburn I'm experiencing for the first time ever, the fact that I pee about 10 times a day while at work, the discomfort I experience when I try to put on socks and shoes, the fact that NO pants are comfortable to wear, and that I can no longer sleep on my back (or my sides) without my legs falling asleep. No, this post is about the positive aspects of pregnancy. After all, we are meant to have joy, right? So, there's got to be joyful aspects to these 40 weeks (of torture).

Here goes - my list of Positive Aspects of Pregnancy:

1. I didn't ever really get crazy sick - praise my lucky stars! God was truly blessing me on this one. I never went through long periods where anything and everything made me run to the toilet. Once I figured out when to eat in the morning, how long I needed to be up before I had breakfast, all was well.
   
2. I really like my doctor - my doctor's a DO, probably just a couple years older than myself and the doctor's office (and hospital) are right up the street from me. He's not a doctor where you go in and he's your best friend - and I love that. I do not need my doctor to be my best friend, I need him to be MY DOCTOR and be qualified and caring in that aspect. He gets in, we go over how my vitals and pee and all that look, he answers any questions I have, reassures me about anything strange (like too much protein in my urine) and gets done. He's kind, he's friendly, but he's my doctor. And, he laughed at our lizard baby picture from our first ultrasound, so he's got a sense of humor. The only thing I don't like - he won't induce me early. >: (
3. The first time I heard the heartbeat was AMAZING - I'll admit it, I teared up a bit. Hearing my baby's heart beating was incredible, exhilarating, phenomenal, and so special. A little person was growing and maturing inside me! Amazing.
4. Every time I hear the heart beating is special - and it continues to put a big smile on my face.
   
5. Thank goodness the baby is looking less & less like a lizard - and more and more like a human. It went from lizard to alien and, hopefully, in about 11 weeks, a real human baby!
   
6. 9 months is a nice long time to plan - I've been buying diapers since about month 2, I've got a bunch of wipes and bath stuff ready, and a bunch of onsies and some fun little stuffed animals. I need time to really feel comfortable and I've had plenty.
7. I passed the 1-hour glucose test - no gestational diabetes for me!
8. I've only gained 12 pounds so far - granted, I have another 11 weeks to go, but I'm feeling pretty good about my weight gain. I'm eating pretty well, the baby's developing well as far as all indications go, and my doctor's satisfied. Therefore, I'm happy (the photo at the top is me at 29 weeks).
   
9. Mike thinks my baby belly is cute - and he doesn't like pregnant women. He gets a big grin whenever he sees me walking around, he loves to rub my belly and talk to (okay, sometimes yell at) the baby.
10. NO STRETCH MARKS YET - yay! Thanks, Heather, for your Vitamin E oil tip. My belly's all oiled and lotioned up and no stretch marks have invaded thus far.
11. It's not a big deal when I eat ice cream at 10pm - heck, it wasn't a big deal before I got pregnant; I'm not going to make it one now.
12. It's fun to look at baby stuff - it's just not fun to register for baby stuff. There's an awful lot of crazy stuff out there for babies and most of it makes some sort of noise. It's fun looking around for noise-less items.

Okay, that's a pretty good list so far. I know there are women who absolutely LOVE being pregnant and good for them. I don't and good for me.

I cannot wait until little Elise or Michael shows up - partly because I'll be finished being pregnant, but mostly because I want to meet the little one who is kicking my ribs like it's their own personal soccer ball (which I'm sure I'll get over once he or she arrives).

We've Got Our Names!

We've actually had names picked out for the Gummi Bear for quite a while - probably the easiest decision we've had with this baby, especially since we don't know the gender. I really like the idea of bringing together both sides of the family when we name the baby, so here is what we've decided:

If the baby ends up being a boy, we're going to have a little Mike Jr. running around. Mike really likes that idea - plus, we hit both dads with this one: Michael Dean. And, I like what these names mean.

* Michael - Hebrew, meaning "Who is like God?", patron saint of soldiers

* Dean - English, meaning "From the Valley"

If we have a girl, we're going to name them after our mothers: Elise Anne. Elise is a shortened form of Elizabeth, and Anne is the last part of Mike's mom's name (Georgianne). I love the name Elise and I think Anne is sweet.

* Elise - Hebrew, meaning "my God is an oath"

* Anne - Hebrew, meaning gracious and merciful

We've got good names I think. Let's just hope one fits when the kid finally arrives!

The Gummi Bear's Story

Are you all settled in? I'm about to tell you the story of the Gummi Bear. Not the chewy, delicious, fruity gummi bear candy - but the little Gummi Bear that will make his or her appearance in about 4 1/2 months - MY Gummi Bear!

Note 1: For the sake of ease - and cuz I'll forget and do it anyway - I'm going to refer to the Gummi Bear as 'he' going forward. Disclaimer: we do not know the gender of our baby, so assume nothing.

Note 2: This is going to be a long one, so settle in, grab something to munch on and enjoy!

Mike and I had been trying for about six months to get me pregnant – nothing was working so I decided that enough was enough. I started taking my temperature each morning before I got out of bed, peeing on an ovulation stick each morning, and I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. Turns out, being scientific was all that was needed – I was actually ovulating about 2-3 days later than I thought, which can really screw up the “getting” bit of getting pregnant. I went into the fertility doctor for the initial appointment, got all the medication to help boost my fertility, and was getting all ready to start the process after my next period.

It never showed up.

I waited about a week to see if it would appear and nothing happened. No period. I started getting excited and went to the store to get a pregnancy test. I went with the digital happy face one, since frankly, lines are just too easy to get wrong. A happy face, not so easy to get wrong. So, I peed on the stick, and up popped a happy face – I was pregnant (at least, according to the test). Mike would poke me in the belly and say “Are you in there?” I tested again, just to be sure, and then went out to Mike with the test, showed it to him, and said “He’s in there!” Finally!

Nothing much happened with me the first 8 weeks or so – I didn’t really get sick, didn’t gain any weight, just a little more tired than normal. Sounds stupid (even my doctor laughed at me), but I took about ten more tests those first couple of months – just to be sure. Every one of the tests came back positive – of course – but it was reassuring.

We had our first doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, September 14th – I was about eight weeks and three days at that point – and all was well with the baby. We heard the heartbeat – a quick 172 bpm – and saw the baby with an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech confirmed our due date – April 24th – which was exactly what I thought it would be. The picture we got shows just a little peanut, but one of the shots she showed us showed the little arm and leg nubs. When she showed us that shot, the tech said “Your baby looks just like a little gummi bear” – hence the nickname. I teared up a bit when we heard the heartbeat and saw the little baby on the screen – it was pretty amazing.

Throughout the next few weeks, I started to actually ‘feel’ like I was pregnant. I got sick a few times – a couple of times because I ate too early, a couple of times because I waited too long to eat. Once I got that right, things were good. I think God was blessing me. I had another doctor’s appointment at 13 weeks, and then at 17 weeks. Both times we listened to the heartbeat, and both times, the baby was still galloping away at 162 bpm. It made me smile every single time to hear that.

My baby belly finally appeared around 19 weeks or so. Before that, it was a little rounder, but nothing major. No one could really tell that I was pregnant yet – and then bam! One day the belly was just sticking out proud as could be! Here's a couple shots at 20 weeks:

My 20-week appointment was great. The ultrasound tech showed us all kinds of shots of the kid – the face front shot (totally looks like a lizard), the profile shot, the arms and legs (including the knees – how cool!), a look at the spine and ribs. We got to see the hemispheres of his brain and all the chambers of the heart. We saw him scratching his neck and at one point, it looked like he was doing little sit-ups. His heart is still beating really quickly – still at 160bpm – so we’ll see if the old wives’ tale about the speed of the heart is true or not.

Here are a few shots of the baby - face front (I'm telling you, this baby might not be quite human), a shot of the baby's profile, and one of his feet:

This last week, I also finally started feeling the baby move around. Around the middle of the day and the end of each night, the baby really starts poking around. At first, I thought it was just indigestion or gas bubbles, but those feel bubbly. These are pokes. Mike felt the baby last night – I pulled him over and put his hand down where I was feeling the pushes, and the baby poked him! He got the biggest smile on his face and just chuckled. It’s a good feeling – it’s somewhat awe-inspiring as well. There is a living being inside of me and how amazing is that?

So, there you go – the Gummi Bear’s story… so far.

I LOVE that new car smell!

Well, I did it. I broke down and went out and bought a new car. My old car drove well, but had so much paint damage that we had to get rid of it soon to get any money out of it at all. We could pay the more than $500 it would take to get a new paint job - but would we get that $500 back when we eventually sold it? Probably not.

So, Mike and I went out Saturday (3/28) and we drove a Saturn Vue, then Monday, we drove a Hyundai Santa Fe, a Honda CR-V and a Toyota Rav4. Of all of these, the Santa Fe had the best feel, the best look (to me anyway), and the best deal.

I got so much stuff on this car for such a great deal. The dealer gave me $10,000 off sticker with some rebates they were doing and some additional rebates for being a previous Hyundai owner, plus they gave me $1100 for my car... All told, they lost money on this deal (I know cuz I saw the figures on the computer screen when we were doing my paper work).

Hmmm... this is the second car that I've bought on my lunch break. Kind of weird.

Anyway, it's a great car - I've got a V6 engine, ABS, all kinds of air bags, Electronic Stability Control, AWD, a sunroof and heated seats - cloth, of course! - and it's fabulous!

Anyone want a ride?

Direction Is Good (And Necessary)

Lately at work, I've been feeling a little direction-less - a little like I wasn't sure which path I should be taking, wondering if I'm doing the right things, tackling the right projects, and so on. It's a bit frustrating to not be sure that I'm moving in the direction that the company needs me to go. I want to do the best for my employer and you can only continue on without a clear path in front of you for so long.

Today, I got some direction. I had to go through an exercise for the CEO in which I plotted out my top 3 goals for the next 8 quarters, basically 2009-2010. That's tough to do. It's tough to sit down and answer the question "What do I want to accomplish for the next 8 quarters?" without really knowing what the rest of the company is doing.

But, I did it: 1) cuz the CEO asked for it; and, 2) because it's always a good thing to have some goals and something to reach towards. It was an exercise done in a bit of a vacuum, but valuable nonetheless.

Back to today... I had a meeting scheduled with my boss, the president of the company, and the CEO to go over my proposed plans. I got some great feedback and I got some very direct and clearcut goals for my team. I've got an idea of what I should be focusing on, where I should be looking, and what these 2 executives want to see out of me. I came out of that meeting feeling relief and less frustrated than before because I've got some goals and areas of focus.

I don't do well without goals and direction. I'm not one to just kind of wander around and hope I get where I want to - I've got lists, I make sure I know what projects are going to take to complete, I print out directions when I go on vacation simply because I don't want to be unprepared.

I need direction in my life - all areas - or I feel adrift and frustrated and unhappy. Now that I've got some direction, I can focus my energies and really dig in.

Husband Tag (Look Heather, I did it! :D)

Here we go...

How did we meet: We met during the SLC Winter Olympics in 2002 in Park City at a dance club called Harry O's. He had all these spikes in his hair and looked cute - so I started dancing with him and he asked for my number.

How long we dated before we were married: 3 1/2 years

How long we have been married: 3 1/2 years

What is my favorite feature about him: His butt; okay, seriously, his laugh (but his butt is pretty good!)

What is my favorite quality about him: His patience with me and his ability to just laugh and shrug things off

What is his nickname: Babe (or whatever I want to call him)

What is his favorite color: Blue (for the Colts) or Red (for the Utes)

What is his favorite food: Salt and pepper calamari from PF Changs

What is his favorite sport: Football

Who said the "L" word first: He did

First kiss & where: My apartment after our second date

Favorite "couple thing" to do: Watch movies together, read in bed together

How many kids: None

Hidden talent: He's great at finish carpentry

Favorite music: Godsmack

What I admire most about him: He is spontaneous and he's so warm-hearted and generous

Favorite past time: Watch football and movies

Will he read this: Probably not

When Life's Got You Down...

For whatever reason, today was stressful. I had a 2-hour meeting with my boss and the CEO of the company to go over what we've been doing with email, I came back to 20 different emails about people duplicating efforts the CEO wanting to know why, tons of banners ads had to be placed in the emails and both my team members were out sick or went home sick today and we had 4 emails that had to get ready to go out.

A lot of stuff happening. The first thing - the meeting with the bosses - always stresses me out. I come out of those meetings feeling like an idiot, like I'm not doing everything I should be, or not seeing everything I should be seeing, or not making the right decisions. I try to take the questions and suggestions for what they are - another person's point of view, another person's experience talking, constructive criticisms - but frankly, these 2 individuals intimidate me. I don't get intimidated very often, but these 2 will do it every time. And I HATE IT!

The rest of the stuff is just normal, stupid stuff. It happens, you deal with it, and move on. Unfortunately, I think this situation is one where the CEO is going to make a point and that's too bad cuz it sucks seeing his emails come through asking the questions designed to elicit certain pieces of information.

But, just when things were not looking good, Mike shows up with lunch. He actually brought in a burner and a skillet and made me a cheese quesadilla. How fantastic is that?! He knew I was having a rough day and he just brought this stuff in, went into the breakroom and made me lunch. Then, he came in and sat down with me and we just chatted. It really helped me break through the funk that was wearing me down.

He's definitely a keeper, as my colleague said, he's definitely a keeper.

Why 5 Days?

I'll admit it - I don't get a lot of things and if I'd just have more faith, I'd probably not worry about stupid stuff quite so much. But, here's something I really do not understand...

Why is YW's Girl's Camp 5 days long out here in Utah? The few years I went in Wyoming, it was about 2 1/2 days and that was plenty long enough. I mean, it's not like we were out there doing survival training or earning merit badges or anything like that. We had enough time to be in nature with friends and have a few really good, sometimes spiritual, experiences. Then we went home.

But, what do you do for 5 days? And, who has time to take 5 days off and go make sure a bunch of teenagers don't get into trouble, or hurt, or do something stupid? I don't and I can guarantee those leaders that have little kids don't either.

It doesn't make any sense to me. I suppose that I just need to trust that the stake and regional leaders knew what they were doing. I'll work on that...

We moved it up a month...

And I'm scared...

Okay, scared isn't the right word... Nervous, anxious, a little fluttery in the stomach area, hopeful...

The Strength of Youth

About 3 or 4 months ago, I was called to be the Laurel Advisor in my ward. I wasn't so sure about it - I've been so tired recently, the last year had been pretty tough, and I just didn't know if I had the emotional reserves.

I accepted, cuz that's what you do when extended a calling, and it's been a good time thus far. The girls are good, the leaders are great, the Young Women President is pretty grounded.

Tonight we had the New Beginnings program for Personal Progress. The Church has added a new value to the Young Women Theme - virtue - and I was asked to introduce it. It was a pretty spiritual experience (and I bawled like a baby).

These young women are incredibly strong and have really great testimonies. The world is putting a lot of pressure on our youth to be anything other than a strong son or daughter of God. It's so easy to slip and commit serious sin. I pray that the youth today can stay strong and understand their true worth.